Sunday, November 27, 2005


Ohh Ahh Mess-ay-essay Ohh Ahh Mess-ay-ah!

In the 70th Minute BJ Atkins puts a headder in for the women!
... in the 69th Minute Ryan Edwards Scores for the men!


Seriously it was awesome. Greensboro, NC November 26th. Shaved heads, Kim Phipps, crazy people, and free food. What more could you ask for?!

Congrats to the team. Congrats to me for driving over 1,200 miles this break.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

The Moon

Staring down the stars,
jealous of the moon
You wish you could fly.
But you're staying where you are
there's nothing you can do
if you're too scared to try.

-Jealous of The Moon by Nickel Creek

I'm back to reflecting on music. I heard this song the other day and its fast become one of my all time favorites. There's so much meaning all throughout the lyrics - I can't really put it all in words here.

It sort of reminds me of the song by John Gregory that states you can't let the fear of falling hold you down.

Just like that, we can't let the fear of failing prevent us from trying.

You can't fly with your feet on the ground. Do we shoot to be stars knowing we could be falling stars?

Fear of failure is failure because fear of failure makes you play it safe. To win big, you have to risk big. You can't save a life without putting yours in peril.

The moon has achieved this. It moves. It's flawless. It does not fall. It does not fail. But it is not afraid to fail.

Are you a moon?

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

On Happy Clappy-ness

*Slow reflective song plays and no one sings*
"Ugh this song is so boring..."
*song ends*
*Blessed Be The Lord begins...and its deafening*
"Ugh not another Clapping song"
"Shut up I love this song now sing along*

This is a common scene in Chapel. But the thing is, it shouldnt matter what song is sung. The purpose is not the song but the God. Why is it a crime to not sing during the songs that make us feel happy, but its acceptable to not sing in the ones that humble ourselves?

We are so worldly. We want to clap, dance, smile, we want our Jesus to conform to the world, our world that is and our culture. We want Him to be in the things we love, and He is indeed in all things, but He also is above all worldly things. He is in them in ways we do not desire to be part of due to the cost. He goes beyond what we see. Why should we conform Him to a fallen culture?

Smiling, dancing, and happy clappiness are all indeed good for it was He who created them. However, they are NOT good when they are the GOAL of our worship as opposed to being the praise. Why do we praise God to feel better about ourselves? Feeling better about ourselves is not the purpose of Worship! Rather, Humility and humbling is!!!

Why do we get so excited over it for ourselves?

Its the same thing in the Gospel. That is, when someone preaches the Gospel we are stunned and moved. Why? We are numb to the real teachings. Why? Because of the way Christianity is constructed today. We do not live, teach, and share the fullness of the Gospels - instead, we use them to fill our own selfish need. We ignore sections and focus on the parts that fill our longings and desires. We use the Gospel to justify what WE think. We use the Gospel to make Jesus the happy, kind, nice, loving buddy of OURS.

We have watered down Christianity today into little doses of self-importance to be taken at Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner, not to mention Church on Sunday. We take these doses of self-importance with small helpings of self-improvement to fill our deep desire to be loved. We want to be loved so we clap for it. We clap for the fact that OUR needs are filled, when the real point of the Gospel is that everyone else's needs are fulfilled in JESUS working in us. Christianity as it is in America today is doing nothing more than fulfilling our worldly desires.

This desire destroys us because as we form Christianity to fit us, we impose our own meanings on the Bible and quickly forget what its all really about. Christianity is NOT about being happy or being loved. Its about a pain so deep a loss so great that the world sees it as the greatest devastation possible. Christianity is about living for the weak ENTIRELY. Instead of living for the weak, we insist we are the weak and that we need it. We turn blindly to those in true desperation who need our love. Christianity is about dying. It is about dying to oneself, its about taking up your cross and giving yourself entirely.

Its clear no one wants to do this because of worldly influences. We may not want to experience this in its whole due to its cost of everything, but its the way we were meant to experience life in Christ. However, we are afraid to let go, and today, in our desires and blindness, we are further from Christianity than we ever have been.

Monday, November 14, 2005


To continue my lyrical fest...
(In This Diary - The Ataris)

Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up:
These are the best days of our lives.
The only thing that matters
is just following your heart
and eventually you'll finally get it right.

Thats where I am. At the place where the road bends and one path is the one that is lined with spectators to support me, and the other my heart longs for. And I know theres probably a few people along the way who want to trip me, and even fewer to help pick me back up and finish the journey.

Here's to smiling all day. Here's to the sunshine. Here's to the light fall breeze (and snow in NY). Here's to 19. Here's to life.

Sunday, November 13, 2005


(From The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most)

This is one time, this is one time
That you can't fake it hard enough to please everyone
Or anyone at all...or anyone at all
And the grave that you refuse to leave
The refuge that you've built to flee
The places that you've come to fear the most
It's the place that you have come to fear the most

Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself
And hidden in the public eye
Such a stellar monument to loneliness
Laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes
Perfect make-up, but you're barely scraping by
But you're barely scraping by...

Do you ever feel like you're just making it by the thread? That you can't be YOU. I don't know. But right now I feel like that. Like I can't make anyone happy. And I don't want to. Because I want to make ME happy. Everyone is demanding way too much of me and I can't make everyone happy. Why does everyone feel like I should make them happy and sacrifice what is best for me in order to do it? I know people don't really think or feel like that... but thats how everyones actions are turning out.

I am sick of people being dumb and listening to their parents as to who they have to be. For once just let go. For once take a risk. Don't go crying about stupid things that don't really matter. I am sick of the mommy thing. I need independence. I need people who want to be as free as I do.

Thursday, November 10, 2005


I love music.

Bsides is amazing, especially with the awesome Paige and other Messiah Talent.

I need to get out more this semester.

I'm about to break down if I don't.

Thats me and Beth. Hotness!

Science and Intelligent Design

1. The concepts of divine creator and intelligent designer are not scientific.
2. The theories provide explanations that are nat according to natural laws
3. Proponents are not open to contrary evidence. How can you test something if it can't be false? That's not science!!! All science is open to new information that could possibly disprove old theories.
4. Little scientific evidence favors the theories; the arguments against aspects against evolutionary theory are unconvincing (IE we know Genesis is not literal)
You cannot teach something in science that relies on religion for its major tenet and not upon research

It is science's job to explain how, not why. leave God to the why and keep God out of science. leave science to science

Sunday, November 06, 2005


Being faithful is knowing you will never have to leave.